Men without ears , who will stand by the door to listen

I remember that it hurt , looking at her hurt

Some of us, the unlucky few, will never know what it is like to feel that way. Too bad , I guess. But this isn’t the case , not for the millions of us who have sat in wooden chairs or church benches, staring at the carpet beneath our feet, hoping, praying to get noticed. Funny, how God will sit in front of us and not say a word.

I remember what she looked like walking down the aisle

I remember sitting in the third row from the front, two people from the aisle.  Kate her friend from college, William her uncle from New Hampshire, and me. Her hair was always so dark, just like earth after it rained. The first time i saw it was at one of Kate’s stupid brunch parties. It was noon and if you looked closely the rays of early summer sun would be folding the thin lines of everyones hair. Everyone but her’s. Her’s was untouched, growing darker the longer  I stared. She came and sat right across from me. 

I remember  spending years figuring out what I was going to say

She wasn’t happy. I could tell because I  knew what she looked like when she was happy. I even knew what she looked like when she wasn’t .  A month after Kate’s party ,  I worked up the courage to ask her. She smiled. Her eyes glistened. Then she said no. She just started dating Mark , I didn’t  know . I was embarrassed she wasn’t. She thought it was cute. I thought she would tell Mark, and that they would laugh about it while laying in bed. I don’t think she ever did. Six months later, the seat across from me was empty at Kate’s party. Her and Mark had driven to her parents for the weekend. When they came back the following weekend, She looked like she had been crying, but she had a ring on her finger . So I didn’t really realise. At her  engagement dinner a month later, I found out her mom was terminally ill with colon cancer. While she was telling me what happened,  I felt horrible , because the only thing  could think about was ‘ how come she was sitting here with me instead of with her fiance.’

I remember that it hurt

Some of us, the unlucky few will settle for the first man that stumbles through the door.  We fear that waiting and hoping, will become blankets we rely on for warmth in old age. So we buy the first house we can,  take the first job were offered, and and say yes to the first man who asks. Then we stand at the alter, say vows laced with lies. Only to feel empty.  To sit in the coat room , in a white gown, bleeding tears out from our eyes. 

 

And men without ears, who will stand by the door just to listen. Hoping that in time they will find the courage to speak, to say.

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the Hymn of a Fairy , the Seeking Begun

I am the lost maiden in the forest of auburn tees and evergreen leaves. Where the curved path of stone leads me to the true homely caverns , where inside walls are caressed with the touch of painted flowers upon a maroon canvass, where depth is carved. Holstered upon the wall are the grandest of all lamps. Like medieval bowls, they allow the golden light of night to flourish. Hidden behind wooden panels, that latch to close,are  draperies of endless red, and amongst the sea of dark beauty is I , the sullen girl, of adventures calling.

Outside rain has loosened its last drop. Where the winds were once harsh, slanting the boughs of its neighbouring trees, it had now beckoned. ” come outside, would you please, oh maiden who sits upon the arch less bed in darkness.” It took one mere call, a whisper of the winds,  a pleading of light pellets, before the tap of ruby red shoes  and an unlocked latch, freed me to adventure, of the forest outside.

The wind kissed my sweater less arms and bellowed out to the direction, where a pasture of trees hid an unknown  wonder, a hidden palace. The walk had begun. Upon uneven rocks where each step was gallop of excitement, I stood like the sailors of viking times, in search of what lay beyond, what mine own eyes could pester to see.” What could it possibly be, why is it so hidden.” Twirling and skipping, time had lost its meaning.Only the rocks and the pasture had colour, the rest of the world were soundless words.

Dancing among the bushes, I hadn’t realised that I had trailed off the path, and wandered into the sea of green, the bounds of grass, which encased strands that held droplets of dew that tickled bare legs.  My eyes had opened to a sight of nearness, of grey stumps , that peered behind the bushels of green and  upright wooden fixtures. Engulfed in excitement , were my limbs that raced against an unmade path. A roadway never travelled. An adventure, made just for me .

What felt like an eternity of seconds, I ran, before I stood at the gate of trees. A song of fairies called me inside, an unrestrained swift step through the underbrush, I entered the castle.

The Castle , which was no castle at all. Was no home to any prince, nor the living either. The castle was drained in grey air that stood still among the trees, the grass that lay beyond, here stood brown, with no kiss of green. This  was a murderous sight, where had I stumbled, on these stilts of mine, what had I  found. The cold sodden ground where the resting lay. I had disrupted ghastly hours. And for this disturbance, would I repent.

Behind me were crackling sticks the sound of a distant guttural cough, I had trespassed to a point of saviour, no one would hear my call. “Where would I run in this pasture of green: where would I hide”. No leaves or stumps , could engulf me as I wished, none could protect me in my need. My heart was a beating palindrome that tilted endlessly.

Nearing, was the aura of the unknown, the ghost of the grounds keeper. Before his question the loudest calling, ” who’s there?, ” could echo to the depths of my curious ears,  was I off on the stilts that once carried me to this unknown castle, the resting place of memories long gone.

Through the grey mist, swiftly past the  twinkling of a fairy song and below the underbrush I galloped , like a horse released into a boundless pasture, until once again I found the cool caresses of evergreen grasses that calmly rested in their expanse of lively beauty, which lay beyond the grand grey castle of the resting dead of Interlochen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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